If I had to sum up my health in 2025 in one sentence?
What a crock of shit!!
And honestly… that about covers it.
This year didn’t arrive gently.
Surgery appointments were pushed back, delayed, rearranged.. now all neatly queued up for the start of 2026, because apparently my body enjoys cliffhangers. Physically, it was exhausting.
Mentally… it nearly broke me.
There was a point mid-2025 where my mental health spiralled so hard I genuinely didn’t know if there was a way out.
Anxiety wasn’t just a background noise.. it was running the show.
Confidence disappeared.
Hope felt thin.
Everything felt heavy, loud, and relentless.
But here’s the part I refuse to gloss over.
Seven months of hard work.
Twenty therapy sessions (and counting).
And a hell of a lot of uncomfortable honesty with myself.
I am worlds away from where I was.
My anxiety hasn’t magically vanished.. let’s not lie!
But my confidence is coming back.
Slowly.
Quietly.
Stronger..
I can breathe again. I can see again.
And I know now that even when my mind tells me I’m stuck… I’m not.
2025 was also the year I stopped hiding.
Not because it suddenly felt easy.. but because I was fed up with letting other people’s actions shrink my life. I’ve spent long enough living in the shadows, dimming myself, staying quiet because it felt safer.
YouTube became my line in the sand.
It’s me coming back.
It’s me saying I’m done disappearing.
It’s me refusing to fit into neat little stereotype boxes that were never built for people like me anyway.
I don’t owe anyone a palatable version of myself.
I don’t need permission to exist loudly, awkwardly, honestly, creatively.
And I’m no longer rearranging my life to make other people comfortable.
Creativity has been my survival tool, my outlet, my anchor.. all of it!!
Beading carried me through the last few years when everything else felt too much. It kept my hands busy when my mind wouldn’t slow down.
It kept me here.
But this year… art came back.
Canvas painting.
Acrylic landscapes.
The thing I loved before life got complicated.
That was the turning point.
The moment I realised I’m not ready to quit this thing called life just yet.
My paintings tell the truth, even when I don’t have the words.
Blues, greens, darker tones.. the bad days… but still hopeful.
Reds, pinks, oranges, yellows.. the brighter days, the lighter ones, the moments where joy sneaks back in.
Finding that passion again reignited my spark..
The part of me that still wants to create.
Still wants to feel.
Still wants to stay.
One of the biggest changes this year wasn’t something I added.
It was what I removed.
People.
Expectations.
Guilt.
Comparison.
The exhausting need to prove myself.
I simplified my life in a way I never had before.
I learned to separate things into three categories:
what I can control,
what I partly control,
and what I have no control over whatsoever.
And then.. this is the important bit..!
I stopped torturing myself over the last category.
Not all stress is equal.
Not all noise deserves my energy.
And not everything is mine to fix.
That lesson alone changed everything.
I don’t know what 2026 will bring.
I know surgeries are coming.
I know challenges will still exist.
I know anxiety will probably try its luck again.
But I also know this:
I’ve survived worse.
I’ve rebuilt from darker places.
And I’m no longer scared of storms.
I’m calm.
I’m grounded.
I’m stronger than I look.
And if 2026 wants to test me?
…try me!!
Im ready for whatever it wants to throw my way.. And I'll be telling you everything about along the way!
So from me.. to you..
Happy New Year.. I hope 2026 is calm, happy, positive and everything else you want it to be.
Love, Hugs, Energy & Spoons
Rae
🌈🤍
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