Meet My CoPilot.. Anxiety!

Anxiety, for me, is like an elephant lurking in the room.. big, heavy, and impossible to ignore.. but so indecisive it doesn’t even know what it’s doing. One minute, it’s worrying about how I look. The next, it’s my health. Then it’s whether I’m good enough. Then comes the guilt.. the crushing sense of being a burden. It can be triggered by something I did, or something someone else said or did. It doesn’t matter.. anxiety cuts like a sharp knife either way. And it’s horrendous.

But I’ll be honest.. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to anxiety. I shut off. I shut down. And the cage goes up. And I say cage because that’s exactly what it feels like. No one chooses this. No one wants to live with anxiety. But here we are. It’s something we’re forced to carry.. and that’s the most painful part. We’re alive, yes.. but sometimes it feels like we’re just surviving inside the bars of something we never asked for.

In the past, anxiety has kicked my arse. Fully. I’ve disappeared from my socials. I’ve only replied to the most important messages. I ignored calls unless they were urgent. I became a ghost of myself.

And I’m tired of it. I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of not liking the person staring back at me in the mirror.

I want to be honest about it, because I know I’m not alone. Anxiety doesn’t discriminate.. but it hits harder when your body and life are already demanding so much of you.

Some days, I feel like I’m holding everything together with scraps of energy, trying to smile through the storm. Other days, I shut the world out and survive. And you know what? That’s okay. Getting through the day is a win. Doing one small thing is a win. Breathing through the panic, even when it sucks.. that’s a bloody gold medal in my book.

I’m learning (slowly, stubbornly) that anxiety doesn’t make me weak. It doesn’t mean I’m broken. It just means I’ve got a really loud brain that’s trying to protect me.. even when it’s doing a truly terrible job of it. And I’m allowed to be gentle with myself while I figure out how to quiet the noise.

Life isn’t easy… being disabled isn’t easy… but for me, anxiety is the worst, because it can literally floor you in seconds. Yes, parts of my health can do that too.. but when it’s your mind that’s stopping you, caging you in, constantly questioning everything you do, it causes a domino effect of pure shite.

But I’ll say this.. and maybe it’ll surprise you.. anxiety has also helped me create some of my best art.

When it starts barking orders like a drill sergeant, I might shut down socially, emotionally, even physically… but that’s often when my creative side steps forward and takes the wheel. It sounds silly, I know.. but some of my boldest designs, wildest colour combos, and most meaningful makes have happened when I’ve been deep in the trenches.

And I know I’m not alone in that. A lot of artists, musicians, writers, filmmakers.. they’ve created their most powerful work when they were at their lowest. Just look at the interviews, the documentaries, the lyrics. Some of the most well-known and beloved songs were written during times of heartbreak, burnout, grief, or pressure.. whether from the industry, personal life, or their own inner storms.

It doesn’t make anxiety some magical gift (because let’s be honest, we’d all return it with no receipt), but it does show the strength in creating through it. That’s something I hold onto.. even when it feels like I’m barely holding on.

So if you’re reading this and your brain’s loud, your heart’s tired, and you feel like you can’t do anything “productive”.. just know that even surviving that moment is powerful. And if, like me, you end up creating something out of the chaos, that’s your own kind of magic.

I’m still learning to navigate life with anxiety. Some days are easier than others… and honestly, some days I can’t bear the world and I shut off from everyone. I’m hard on myself, I push people away, and I hit that self-destruct button.

But I also know full well that this feeling.. the one that’s been lingering for months.. won’t last forever. It won’t always be this hard, or this heavy, or this shit.

And the good days? I will always cherish them. I’ll hold onto them like gold. Because those are the days that fuel the harder ones. They’re the memories I cling to when I need something real, and they’re the moments I turn pain into some form of art.

I’ve also learned that a lot of my anxiety doesn’t come from just inside me.. it’s triggered by the world around me. The pressure of social media, money, relationships, even hobbies… it can make you feel like you’re meant to fit into neat little boxes.

If you’re disabled, people expect you to live or look a certain way. If you have money, they expect a certain lifestyle. If you post online, there’s this weird pressure to perform wellness or curate perfection.

And that kind of pressure? It’s exhausting. It feeds anxiety. It convinces you you’re failing, even when you’re doing your bloody best just to get through the day.

These unspoken rules, these stereotypes.. they make life harder for anyone who doesn’t fit the mould. And honestly? Who does?

It. Needs. To. Stop.

We are all different.

We all deal and cope with things differently.

We all live different lives.. no matter how similar our stories, diagnoses, or experiences might be.

So just because you see someone like me smiling, posting, creating, or surviving.. don’t assume the journey looks the same behind the scenes.

My anxiety doesn’t define me. My disability doesn’t define me. And neither should anyone else’s.

If you’re reading this and nodding along.. hi. You’re not alone. Whether you’re deep in it or just barely hanging on, I see you.

We might not be able to banish anxiety for good, but we can talk about it, name it, and drag it into the light.

And some days, that’s enough.